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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27681332">Amber Eyes</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/oxygenforthewicked/pseuds/oxygenforthewicked'>oxygenforthewicked</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age II</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alcohol, Angst, Confessions, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Maybe a one-shot I haven't decided, Pining, Smut</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-07 01:02:28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,348</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27681332</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/oxygenforthewicked/pseuds/oxygenforthewicked</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Liquid amber glistened in the dim light of the tavern. Anders dragged his thumb across the lip of the glass, the heat from drinking spreading through his limbs bringing color to his pale cheeks. It was a bad habit to drink alone, he knew, but better to drink here than at the clinic. At least here he could pretend that he was in the company of another person. But even here, even with Justice, he felt so alone. He lifted the glass to his lips and drained his glass, setting it down lightly.</p><p>“You want another?” the barkeep asked.</p><p>It would be his third tonight – he should really stop. But ‘should’ was a concept that was miles away from anyplace he could reach. So he nodded, watched the glass refill, and reached down to drain it once more, his mind swirling. A body filled the chair beside him, but he couldn’t bring himself to look up.</p><p>“I’ll have two of whatever he’s having.”</p><p>***</p><p>For years Anders watched as Hawke pursued Fenris, never truly understanding why. He distanced himself, throwing himself into his work with the Mage Underground - until one night when fate decided to throw a Hawke-shaped wrench in his plans.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Anders/Female Hawke, Anders/Hawke (Dragon Age)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>44</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Amber Eyes</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Here's a Handers fic nobody asked for but I wrote anyway because the fanfiction gods demanded it. </p><p>Hope you like it 😂</p><p> </p><p>Note: Most characters and situations belong to Bioware. No copyright infringement intended.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Liquid amber glistened in the dim light of the tavern. Anders dragged his thumb across the lip of the glass, the heat from drinking spreading through his limbs bringing color to his pale cheeks. It was a bad habit to drink alone, he knew, but better to drink here than at the clinic. At least here he could pretend that he was in the company of another person. But even here, even with Justice, he felt so alone. He lifted the glass to his lips and drained his glass, setting it down lightly.</p><p>“You want another?” the barkeep asked.</p><p>It would be his third tonight – he should really stop.</p><p>But ‘should’ was a concept that was miles away from anyplace he could reach. So he nodded, watched the glass refill, and reached down to drain it once more, his mind swirling.  </p><p>A body filled the chair beside him, but he couldn’t bring himself to look up.</p><p>“I’ll have two of whatever he’s having.”</p><p>His eyes flicked up to see a woman with dark hair that rested at her shoulders. Her stark blue eyes pierced through him, something like mischief flickering behind her heavy gaze. The barkeep slid two glasses her way. She thanked him, draining her first glass.</p><p>“Do you always drink alone?” she asked, wincing at the bitterness of her drink.  </p><p>“It depends,” he replied.</p><p>“On?”</p><p>“Do you interrogate everyone you find drinking alone?” he said turning to face her fully.</p><p>She smiled. “Only the ones I find interesting,” she said, the devious smile spreading across her lips. She drained the second glass.  </p><p>“Hawke, I’m really not in the mood,” he sighed, rubbing his forehead.</p><p>“Come now, Anders,” she said. “It’s the end of the week, you should be doing something <em>fun</em>, not moping at the Hanged Man by yourself.”</p><p>“You do realize that I’m a healer? I don’t have weekends, or vacations, or nights off.”</p><p>She turned to the barkeep. “Another one for me and my angsty friend here?”</p><p>The barkeep nodded and filled their glasses.</p><p>“Are you trying to get me drunk?” he frowned.</p><p>“Yes,” she said with a wink.</p><p>He chuckled. Her grin faded into a soft smile as she brought her glass to her lips. The dark pang of sadness clawed at the back of his mind.</p><p>
  <em>Not yours.</em>
</p><p>He cleared his throat. “So what are you doing out alone?”</p><p>She looked away and bit her lip. “Not in the mood for the usual company, I suppose.”</p><p>“Are you saying that I’m unusual?” he quipped.</p><p>She laughed, the sound bubbling and filling the air around them. “Perhaps.”</p><p>“But really? I think this may be the first time I’ve seen you without someone tagging along behind you. No Varric? Isabela?” he said, pausing before, “Fenris?”</p><p>The smile faded and she shifted. “It’s been a while since I’ve seen him.”</p><p>He frowned, trying to hide the shameful joy he felt at the words. “What do you mean?”</p><p>She shook her head. “It just didn’t work out.”</p><p>“Can I ask what happened?”</p><p>She bit her lip. “It wasn’t something he wanted.”</p><p>He opened his mouth to speak and shut it again. She didn’t need him to tell her for the thousandth time how much he despised the man. “I’m sorry,” he managed.</p><p>She ran her finger in a ring around the rim of her glass. “It’s okay. It’s been a while since he left, anyway.” She downed the rest of her drink. “But enough about that. We’re going to have some fun tonight, right?”</p><p>“I suppose that depends on your definition of fun,” he chuckled.</p><p>“Another round, please?” she said.</p><p>He shook his head. “You are relentless, and we definitely <em>should</em> stop.”</p><p>They drank for a little while after that, until the room began to spin around them, the colors blending together to make the world an impressionist’s daydream. Her laughter was more intoxicating than the drink – and for the first time in months, his heart felt light.</p><p>No Justice, no Templars, just <em>her</em>.</p><p>When they had sobered up enough to walk in a semi-straight line, they stumbled together out of the tavern and into the cool night air, giggling as they made their way down the street, their voices echoing down alleyways and up the stone walls of Lowtown.  </p><p>“You know, Varric will never admit it, but the Swords and Shields serial is his favorite,” Hawke said with a wide smile.</p><p>“Are you sure about that?” he said with a frown.  </p><p>“Well, why else would he keep writing them?” she laughed.</p><p>“To make some coin, I suppose?”</p><p>She raised one eyebrow. “There are easier ways to make coin. Believe me, I know.”</p><p>He shook his head. “I suppose you’re right.”</p><p>As they reached the edge of Lowtown, Hawke stopped. “Do you want to walk me home?” she asked.</p><p>He laughed. “Are you suddenly afraid to walk through Hightown at night?”</p><p>“Of course not,” she said. “But I’d appreciate your company.”</p><p>He smiled. He could never deny her anything. She'd always had that affect on him, and sometimes he wondered if she knew it, too. </p><p>“Alright," he said. "I suppose I'll walk with you.”</p><p>“Glad to see you’re enthusiastic about it, too,” she said with a smirk as they continued on. </p><p>They walked in silence for a while, the stillness creeping up the back of Anders’ neck. They made it up to Hightown, and he stole a glance at Hawke, who was chewing at her lip. They approached the Amell estate, and he heard her suck in a breath.</p><p>“Anders…” she started, and clamped her mouth shut.</p><p>“What is it?” he asked.</p><p>She crossed her arms. “I have to ask… why did you leave? The group, I mean.”</p><p>He looked down at the ground. There were so many reasons he could give her, and yet there was only one reason that was the most truthful. But he wasn’t about to bring it up. Not now.</p><p>“Work,” he said finally. “It’s been hard to keep up with everything in the clinic.”</p><p>“Work,” she echoed. “I suppose that makes sense.”</p><p>He knew she could sense his deception. “Why do you ask?”</p><p>“No reason,” she replied.</p><p>He stopped and touched her arm. “Marian,” he said.</p><p>She turned, and he felt his heart break. She was so beautiful to him, always, and yet he had somehow missed the dark circles forming underneath her eyelids, the pain just barely hidden behind her eyes. Pain over the loss of her brother to the Templars, her mother to a madman, the whole city seemingly resting on her shoulders. She was doing it alone, yet trying to be strong for everyone around her. “You don’t need to lie to me,” he said gently.</p><p>“And you don’t need to lie to me, either,” she replied.</p><p>He dropped his hand and sighed. The space between them was filled with pregnant silence. Her eyes searched his, waiting for the truth. It would be kinder to act as though nothing were bothering him, that it was just fighting to help the mages, or Justice, or trying to avoid detection from the Templars, but she didn’t need one more problem on her plate.</p><p>“I don’t know if telling you the truth will make things worse or better,” he tried. “If anything, it will just make things…”</p><p>“Authentic? Honest? Real?” she said taking a step forward.</p><p>“Complicated,” he finished.</p><p>Hawke looked up into his eyes. “After everything that has happened, after everything we have been through, you really think that honesty is going to complicate a damned thing?”</p><p>“It could,” he said.</p><p>“Try me.”</p><p>He couldn’t place if it was the alcohol, ever-fading but still giving him some semblance of courage, or if it was the intensity of Hawke’s gaze that made him suddenly step forward. He cupped her face with his hands, running his thumb along her jawline. He could feel Justice’s disapproval, but he pushed the feeling away. He lowered his face to hers, his lips hovering over hers. <em>Your move.</em></p><p>They stood like that for what felt like an eternity, her expression completely unreadable. The panic set in as her gaze held his, and he swore his heart had stopped completely.</p><p>And then her hands were grasping the fabric at his waist, her lips tilting up as she captured his lips. Her lips parted and he followed suit, his tongue sweeping over hers, her breath warm against his skin. His heart was <em>definitely</em> working now.</p><p>Pulling away, he stroked her bottom lip with his thumb. Color bloomed across her cheeks as she looked up at him, with an almost dazed expression.</p><p>“Does that answer your question?” he murmured.</p><p>Her brows furrowed as she stared at him with a strange intensity. With a sharp tug, she pulled him back down into another heated kiss. It was as if all the air had been knocked out of him. He wrapped his arms around her, his mind blank. He took all of her into himself, cherishing every breath and touch. He would gladly accept anything and everything she was willing to offer.  </p><p>When she finally pulled away, she pushed a strand of hair from his forehead.</p><p>“Not quite, but it’s a start.” She took his hand and pulled through the threshold of her home.</p><p>Locking the door, she rested against the door, as if waiting for something. Anders turned to look at her, feeling as though his heart were about to burst.  </p><p>“Anders,” she said softly, biting her lower lip.</p><p>Without thinking, he pressed her up against the door and captured her lips again. She gasped, wrapping her arms around him, fingers pushing the feathered coat from his shoulders.</p><p>“Wait,” he said, pulling away for a moment. “Is this… is this what you want?”</p><p>“Yes,” she breathed. </p><p>He couldn’t help the grin that spread across his face. “Good.”</p><p>Hawke pushed him further into the mansion, kicking off her boots and peeling off her tunic and leggings as they went. They made it to the sofa in the main room before he pushed her back gently. Anders dropped to his knees, dragging the tips of his fingers down her thighs, bringing his lips to her hipbone, his teeth raking against her smooth skin.</p><p>“I think I like the sight of you on your knees,” she grinned.</p><p>He smirked.</p><p>Her fingers laced through his blond hair, undoing the tie that bound it, his hair falling around his face. He hooked his fingers around the side of her smalls, dragging them down her supple thighs and tossing them away. She sighed softly as he spread her legs wide, dipping his tongue in between her folds. She let out a sigh as he stroked her, worshipping her with his mouth and fingers.</p><p>She tugged his shoulders upward, and he trailed kisses up her body, pressing his lips against the dip of her neck and along her jawline. Her hands pushed him back into a seated position, pulling the trousers from his legs. She straddled him, kissing and sucking his bottom lip as she pressed herself against him. He undid the binding around her breasts and she tossed the fabric away.</p><p>Anders curled his hands around her thighs, holding her tightly. Her mouth tasted of honey, laced faintly with liquor, the floral scent of her skin enveloping his every nerve. She undulated her hips and he wrapped his arms around her back, kissing her harder.</p><p>He pulled away for the smallest of moments. Her blue eyes locked with his, deepening as they both caught their breath.</p><p>She lifted herself from him, taking his hand and leading him to the stairwell. He pulled her back suddenly, capturing her lips as he pressed her against the wall at the foot of the stairs.</p><p>She took her face in her hands, her fingers tangling in his hair. She bit his lower lip lightly, a smile growing across her lips. He looked down at her, taking in her hooded gaze and flushed cheeks.</p><p>He kissed her neck his teeth grazing her earlobe. “Do you have anything? Potion or…”</p><p>“Yes,” she said, pulling him back into a searing kiss.</p><p>He reached down and pulled her up by her thighs. She wrapped her legs around him, and he carried her up the stairs. She nibbled his neck with her teeth, and he stumbled slightly, chuckling as he steadied himself on the railing. </p><p>They made it to the top of the stairs when he pushed her up against the wall beside her bedroom door. He grazed his teeth across the skin of her shoulder, and a moan escaped her lips.  </p><p>She pushed him backward into the bedroom, and he found himself being thrown back onto the mattress. Sometimes he forgot how strong she was, for a mage. She smiled as she stepped forward and slipped his smalls from his hips before pressing a kiss against his thigh. Her lips moved to the base of the aching cock, and she slowly dragged her hot tongue up his length. His heart felt like it was going to explode from his chest.</p><p>“Wait,” he said, sitting up. She pulled away instantly, watching him – waiting. “As much as I want that…” his voice trailed off, and she smiled in understanding. He pulled her to him, capturing her lips once more.</p><p>She sucked in a breath as he rolled her onto the bed with him. Her curls fanned around her like a dark halo, her sapphire eyes glistening in the patches of silver light streamed in from the window. He ran his thumb across her bottom lip. Her hand curled around his neck, pulling his lips to hers. He pressed himself against her, aching to be with her wholly. She wrapped her legs around him, urging him forward. He slowly slid into her wet warmth, filling her, and they both sighed in unison.  </p><p>“Marian, I–” he started before she captured his lips and flipped him on his back. She grabbed his wrists and pulled them over his head, locking them in place as she rolled her hips. He gasped, all of his thoughts quickly evaporating into nothing.</p><p>Her pace was unbearable. And she knew it, too. Her lips formed a devious smile and, while still firmly holding his wrists in place with one hand, she ran her other hand down his chest. The sharp edges of her fingernails bit deliciously against his skin. He struggled against her grip, and she let out a soft laugh. Finally, he slipped free and grabbed her, roughly flipping them around once more, and he gripped her thigh tightly as he thrust deep inside her. She gasped, closing her eyes. His name spilled from her lips, and he reveled in the sweetness of it as his hips snapped against her.</p><p>He slowed and lowered his lips to her ear. “Do you trust me?”</p><p>She nodded. He pulled away.</p><p>“Turn around,” he said.</p><p>“From behind then?” she said, biting her lip as she smiled and obliged him.</p><p>Turning over and propping herself up on her hands and knees, his hands ran down her waist, gripping her hips as he lined himself up with her perfect center. He slid inside her, and she sighed as he filled her once more. His hands found her breasts, and he ran his thumb across one erect nipple. He kissed one of the long scars on her back that he’d healed not too long ago, and his other hand snaked toward the front of her hips. His fingers search and found the bundle of nerves at her core. He circled his fingertips around her clit eliciting a sharp gasp from her. He hesitated for a moment.</p><p>“Don’t stop,” she said, breathless.</p><p>He continued and she moaned softly. It was a beautiful sound. She twisted around as much as she could and he bent down to kiss her roughly. Her teeth grazed his lower lip and it slowly began to grow until he could feel her tense around him. She cried out as she came undone, and he followed close behind her, a groan curling up his throat as he spilled himself inside her.  </p><p>They stayed like that for several moments before he slid out of her, the cool air brushing against his sweat-slicked skin. He laid back on the bed, closing his eyes. A wild tempest raged in his mind, emotions twisting around him as his breaths slowed. He felt her lift herself off of the bed and listened as her feet padded out of the room. Opening his eyes, he stared up at the canopy of the bed above and his heart clenched.</p><p>He wanted to lie to himself, say that he could live forever in this moment. But the crushing weight of reality on his chest reminded him that this couldn’t last forever. It couldn’t. No matter how much he wished it, he could not stay here and ignore the world around them. He sat up and held his face in his hands.</p><p>It was enough to know that he could have some small shred of happiness before he carried out his plans.</p><p>“What is it, Anders?” Hawke said as she stepped lightly back into the room, carrying two glasses of water. He smiled as she handed him one of the glasses.</p><p>“It’s nothing,” he said, sitting up.</p><p>“I thought we weren’t lying to each other anymore,” she said, taking a sip before setting her glass down on the bedside table. He took a sip, not looking up from his glass.</p><p>He could tell her the truth, he supposed. The truth about the Mage Underground, his plans, the spirit inside him slowly becoming more and more like Vengeance every day.  </p><p>He could that she had been the one shining light in his life spent living in the shadows. But he couldn’t drag her into this. She couldn’t know what he had become; what he was going to become. She deserved so much more than him.</p><p>Finally, he looked up at her. “I love you,” he said finally. “I’ve loved you for a long time, now. I’ll understand if you don’t feel the same way. But you wanted honesty – so there it is.”</p><p>She brushed his hair behind his ear with gentle fingers and cupped his face with her hands as she pressed a soft kiss against his lips. Her silence was an answer – but it was one he was willing to accept.</p><p>He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close.</p><p>She pulled away slightly. “Be with me,” she murmured against his skin.</p><p>His heart jolted.</p><p>But despite every bone in his body aching for him to just say <em>yes, of course I will.</em> The words lingered at his lips, but to be with her – it would only break her heart in the end.</p><p>She pulled away and a glimmer of pain hung behind her eyes. If he were to leave her now, he would be no better than Fenris. He couldn’t do that to her. But she carried the weight of the world on her shoulders, and putting himself in the picture…</p><p>“It’s okay,” she said, dropping her hands.</p><p>“No,” he said, taking her hands in his. “I want more than anything to be with you. But if we were to be together, you would have a target on your back. I couldn’t do that to you.”</p><p>“You say that as though I don’t already have one on my back,” she said with a laugh. “It’s not a secret in this city that I’m an apostate. One wrong move and Meredith won’t hesitate to haul me off to the Circle.”</p><p>He chuckled. “As if they could hold you.”</p><p>Her lips spread into a soft smile. “You don’t have to worry about me, Anders.”</p><p>He kissed her then, ignoring every doubt in his mind. She pulled him closer, wrapping him in her arms. There was a voice in the back of his mind – the voice of reason, the voice of Justice – and he pushed it away. Leaving her was not an option. Not yet.</p><p>
  <em>Not yet. </em>
</p><p>At least for tonight, he would let himself forget.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I'm going back and forth about whether or not I should continue this - I have more written out, but I'm undecided if it should stay a one-shot. Comments/critiques are very welcome! </p><p>Thanks for reading! ❤</p></blockquote></div></div>
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